bisexuality
Some people are very open about expressing their sexuality, and others feel it's no one's business but their own. There's no right or wrong way to go about it. That being said, I personally find it really satisfying and therapeutic to share parts of myself, through photographs, words, or other art forms because I am always excited about what I'm sharing, and I enjoy sharing it! When it comes to my sexuality I think there's real value in sharing, because not all of the people in my life fully understand it, and I am more than happy to shed some light. Even I'm still learning!
At first I wanted to make this post relatable, and not just about me, but sometimes it's less important to reach others than it is to reach yourself. I identified as straight for the first 19 years of my life, and was perfectly comfortable with my identity. I had (and still have) a handful of male crushes, and I was head over heels for boys more times than I can count. I just love the idea of love, and falling in love, and have been that way since my first crush at age 3.
But I've discovered a lot about myself since moving away from home (don't we all) and I am indeed not straight. I am bisexual.
I realize this is probably no big 'drop the mic' moment, since for the past year I've been practically painting the internet head-to-toe with photos and stories of my girlfriend. But I've never fully clarified. I may have a girlfriend, but that certainly isn't the whole story. I am bisexual, and that means that I still have my handful of male crushes, but I now know that I am also very capable of being attracted to women.
I did not decide to "become bisexual" because I live in New York. I did not decide to become anything, no one does. I simply discovered new feelings.
Last year was really scary for me. Forgive me for oversharing, but allow me to detail my love life for you once again. I moved into college with the fear of not getting along with my roommates, and six months later I found myself falling in love with one of them. Oops? Guess I tried a little too hard to make friends?
Nevertheless, I was very confused. All I could think about was how smart, how beautiful, and how unique she was. But I kept going back to the fact that she was a she, and it didn't make sense with who I was.
But people grow, and change, and discover parts of themselves they didn't even know were possible until a certain person comes along, or rather a certain feeling isn't considered taboo anymore.
This is what made it scary for me. The fact that I was excited, but I felt like I wasn't allowed to be, because I was breaking the rules. I respect everyone's views, but it is definitely hard to know that because of the way I am, and the way I love, I would be considered abnormal by quite a few people. However, I am very lucky that I have many loved ones who are open to learn, accept, and respect me! That means the world.
Like I said before, I love love. My bisexuality started out as foreign territory for me, and has turned into something I am proud to be exploring everyday. I used to be afraid that it would change, or that it wasn't real. But I've learned to stop second guessing myself, especially when I think about how happy I am in my own skin.
The way I see it, no matter what happens in the future, today is valid. These feelings are real, and this love is real. I could not be more certain of that. No matter what you feel or who you like, that is so valid!
Being bisexual does not mean I can't decide, it means I am capable of being attracted to both genders, for different reasons. If I date a man in the future, that does not make my bisexuality disappear. It only affirms it, really. Sexuality, just like any feeling or emotion, is capable of changing, and is not set in stone.
Love is such an intricate thing, it amazes me. This is one of the few posts I've made that was more about the words than the photographs. So I can't tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to read it, even if a lot of it was just self-reflection. much love, Marilyn
