deep in the night

Sometimes I need to take certain photos for myself, like this photo of me on the floor, because they resonate so clearly with the thoughts in my head.

 It was the last night in apartment C2-4B, and here I am thinking about the first.

I remember the first night in this apartment like I remember a favorite song; the details just keep swimming around in my brain and coming back to me from time to time.

 

I sat on the floor and closed my eyes, and there we were, sitting on the same floor last August talking about our summers. Maybe I remember this night so clearly because when we sat there I finally realized everything was worth it. The months leading up to this night were hard, and complicated, but I knew that I was gaining strength because of them, and I'm still gaining strength tonight, on the last night.

 

These years in college throw a lot of new things at us. We're in one place one year, and another place the next. Maybe that's why I savor each place so much, because I know it won't happen again. That's scary but also really beautiful because there will be SO many more "won't happen twice" moments to come. 

 

Notes to self: Savor each one, and know that more will come. Sit on the floor, take a second for yourself to embrace why you loved it so much, because this was you falling in love, with the world, with a girl, and with yourself. 

This was real, I was happy, and I could feel my heart beating all throughout my body. I love those nights, and I love writing about them.

Marilyn